SPOtastic

When Interview Magazine asked me to meet up with Saddam Hussein and ask him a few questions, I was totally psyched. I couldn’t wait to get in my Titanium Jet and fly to the most beautiful place on earth.

Paris: You look a little different in person.

Saddam: I’ve been trapped, away from home, these things happened.

Paris: Hot. You’re sweet. Do you think I look okay? I wanted to make sure I looked nice for you; I’m a huge fan.

Saddam: Your outfit makes me want to punch you in the spine and rape you.

Paris: I love when guys quote rap to me. It’s Hot. So will you tell me secrets?

Saddam: I am not to discuss anything with you regarding my situation.

Paris: Please? Like how many secret holes are there in the ground.

Saddam: I only know of the one I was in.

Paris: What do the numbers mean?

Saddam: What?

Paris: Is Walt alive?

Saddam: Walt? Oh the young African American?

Paris: I don’t think he’s a slave, but he is black.

Saddam: Do you think I am on the TV show Lost?

Paris: That’s why I’m here!

Saddam: You are confusing me with Sayid.

Paris: Wait, then who are you?

Saddam: Saddam Hussein-former president of Iraq

Paris: Why would someone interview you?

Saddam: I am going on trial soon for the killing of 140 Shi’ites amongst other things.

Paris: I tried to kill my shit once, I was totally coked up and thought it was a Cougar. I still have a bruise from the shotgun kickback. Do you like to Party?

Saddam: Not really, my sons did though.

Paris: Oh Maybe I’ve dated them, what are their names?

Saddam: If you are still alive, you have not dated them.

Paris: Hot. Okay I’m bored now. See ya later.

Saddam: Wait.

Paris: Yeah?

Saddam: Do you think Walt is dead or alive? Also - whats up with Locke?

Paris: Yes. Good luck with your shit problem.


Photo - Courtesy David LaChapelle