SPOtastic

I love watching the Food Network this time of year. The past few days I have seen a turkey made in about 25 different ways.
Inject your meat. Fry your meat. Stuff your meat. Do NOT baste your meat.

Today I watched as Paula Deen and family prepare a Southern Thanksgiving Dinner. I do not agree with this. Thanksgiving should not have an adjective before it. It shouldn't be Southern, or Texas style. It's just Thanksgiving people. You can't change it. Pilgrims, Indians & Betrayal. Let's keep it real.
This is what the Deens eat at their palatial southern estate:

Oyster Dressing (stuffing) - NO - oysters are not allowed.

Turducken - Trendy 2 years ago. Stop people. It's Turkey's day. Stop giving other birds a shout out.

Deep Fried Turkey - eh. I guess since its not a fucking flamingo i'll deal

Bacon Wrapped Bread Sticks - your family is going to die

Mini Cheeseburger Puffs - I didn't realize Fudruckers was around in 1621

Mama's fried Cream Corn - I'm guessing Mama is dead from this.

Sweet Potato Balls - literally what it says. Just keep them in the corning wear.

Apple Butter Pumpkin Pie - fine - add a special ingredient - thanks for something almost normal.

Hot Cranberry Cider - This is just one of those drinks people make up.


One of the reasons I watch cooking/baking shows is I like watching the process. Turducken is interesting to watch. Deep Fried Turkey Simple yes, but fun to watch a bird fry. Bacon wrapped Bread sticks - the retard in me likes watching. Etc etc.

Here is why Paula Deen is a turkey jerk. The entire show she is doing cooking pretty much from scratch, even traveling to her favorite southern stores to get the special corn, or the onions for the cheeseburger puffs. Then came the pie, she takes a trip to get a special jar of apple butter from a Nut store near her house. Great - shout out to a mom and pop. She mixes her sweet potato and the apple butter and than pours it into a FROZEN STORE BOUGHT CRUST.
You fucking CUNT!! Make the God Damn Crust. I don't care if you don't show the process. You can just tell us "this pie just requires a generic pie crust, flour, butter and egg. But NO. The G-Damn whore ENCOURAGES store bought crust. "Just go to the freezer section, they are just as good as home made." You are a worthless soggy hole Paula Dean. You can not go an entire show of scratch preperation and then take a store bought shit on my tv watching experience.
Oh wait I get it, the Pie is the Betrayal portion of your Meal.
BOO to YOU! BOO TO YOU PAULA DEEN!!



(please send cheeseburger puffs)