SPOtastic

My mother has began her downward decent. The Xmas check my grandfather sent her disappeared. It is no longer in the card where she kept it for safe keeping till she could deposit it. (Grandfather, or Grandpa as he now signs his cards, likes to postdate his checks, he has trouble letting go of money.) Normally my mom will say a prayer to St. Anthony, asking him to please come down, something is lost and can't be found. But no more. She thinks Chuckles is back.

Chuckles is a Ghost.


One summer during my college years, I planted this seed in my mother's brain. Things would not be where she remembered putting them. One time I couldn't find the scissors, so I jokingly said the house is haunted by a pranking ghost. She believed it. I tried to explain sarcasm. She didn't listen. I gave up and just named the ghost. Chuckles. Cute right?

Apparently 'things' are starting to happen again. For about 10 years, the furnace has been jerry rigged. My mom paid a guy named Bark about once a winter to tweak the wires so it would work. This was the year Bark couldn't get the furnace working. So she had to get a new one. My mom is blaming it on Chuckles. The furnace was 42 years old. Original to the house, and she thinks its a ghost.
I told her the furnace gave Bark DNR orders last spring (do not resuscitate). I tried to explain the sarcasm again. Then I mentioned a guy named BARK shouldn't be coming to her house anyway.

She got frustrated with me, trying to remind me of all the things Chuckles did to me.

Mom: Don't you remember?
SPO: Yes he took my virginity. Four times. I was asleep.
Mom: Stop it SPOEY, you were cooking on the stove once only using one burner, you turned to get something out of the fridge, and when you went back all FOUR burners were on.
SPO: That never happened to me.
Mom: Yes it did!
SPO: That was on a "Tales from the Darkside" episode.
Mom: No it wasn't.
SPO: It might not be Chuckles
Mom: What is it then?
SPO: The ghost rape baby I had
Mom: SPO that's not funny.
SPO: I registered at Boo Boo Baby. I wanted it to feel loved.
Mom: You're acting crazy.
SPO : YOU'RE ACTING CRAZY.
Mom: Anyway. Can you still give me money towards Oprah's 20th anniversary DVD's for Xmas?
SPO: Yeah, I'll post date a check for you.